It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
