Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
