she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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