We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
