I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
