bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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