It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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