I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
