Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
