hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
