I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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