my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i dont even know how to be here
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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