we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish you could order shots online.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
