woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
