there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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