mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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