The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
