Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
