I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
