Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sober January is a disaster.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
