At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
