Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
