so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
