2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
