I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
