I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
