matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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