College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
