put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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