Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
