the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
