On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
