just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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