How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
