I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
