I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just invented taco cereal.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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