well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
