Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
