she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
