toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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