So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
