my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
