did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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