if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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