I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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