I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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