he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
