I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
