i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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