did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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